Twelve weeks ago, before starting The Becoming Project, I was a completely different person. I was sad, depressed, indecisive, stressed, unhappy, I didn’t love myself and I wasn’t who I wanted to be. Over the last twelve weeks, I have come closer to the Savior through in-depth study of the scriptures, activities and challenges that have led me to know who I truly am: a beloved daughter of God.

Growing up in the environment that I did, left me feeling unwanted, unloved, that I didn’t belong and that I was never good enough, no matter how hard I tried. This left me broken and hurt. I believed that I was worthless and not worthy to be loved.  Over the past few years, situations and experiences have increased these feelings even more. 

When I found out about The Becoming Project, I realized that this would be the perfect opportunity for me to erase all the bad, and untrue, feelings I have about myself. I wanted to take this opportunity to focus on, discover, and to know who I really am in Heavenly Father’s eyes. I decided that my Becoming Project was to feel Heavenly Father’s love for me. I knew that He loved everyone else, I just didn’t believe that He could love ME. In 1 Nephi 11:22-23,  it reads “…yea, it is the love of God that sheddeth abroad in the hearts in the children of men; wherefore it is the most desirable above all things…Yea, and most joyous to the soul”. This scripture says that feeling God’s love is the greatest desire you can have and brings the greatest joy to your soul. This is what I wanted, and needed, for myself.

First thing I did for my Project was learn to love myself. I chose this as the first step, because in order to believe that someone could love me, I would first have to love myself, so I would believe that I was worthy of such love.

I was really bad at putting myself down and telling myself things like: “I’m so dumb and stupid”, “I ruin and mess up everything”. I apologized for everything. I was ALWAYS saying “sorry”, even if there was no reason to be “sorry”. It seemed like I was even saying “sorry” for breathing. Because of this, my first step to loving myself was to stop tearing myself down, and start building myself up. I changed the way I thought and talked about myself. I started saying things like “I am good enough” and “I did a great job”, etc. With this change, I began to feel differently about myself.

The second thing I did to love myself was to look in the mirror and say something positive about myself. This was hard to do in the beginning because I hated looking in the mirror. Since I didn’t like who I was, I didn’t like looking at myself. But as time went on, and as I started liking myself more, the easier it was to look at myself in the mirror.

The third thing I did was to write inspirational quotes on the mirror. These quotes usually came from the General Authorities. Seeing these quotes everyday, helped me a lot, especially during those moments when I forgot to love myself.

As I took these steps, I began to notice a change. One of the things I noticed was that I began to be more confident in myself. Before, I was very unconfident in myself. I also hated making decisions because I always worried that I would make a wrong choice. Even getting me to decide on something as small as where to eat took me forever to decide. As I worked on loving myself more, I noticed that I was more confident in myself. I also noticed that making decisions was easier as well. Doctrine & Covenants 121:45 says “Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God…” When it says “Charity to all men”, it’s not just meaning loving others, but it also means loving yourself. When you love yourself, then you will gain confidence.

I wasn’t the only one who noticed a change. My sister and brother-in-law also noticed a big difference too. Thy made several remarks about how happier I was and that I didn’t stress out in situations that normally would have sent me into panic mode.

After loving myself, my next goal was to show love to others. I have always loved helping and serving others, so loving others was easy to do. Mosiah 2: 17 reads “And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God”.

The first goal I had was to talk to, and get to know, someone I didn’t know. I had recently moved to a new town, so meeting someone new wasn’t going to be hard. The hard part, the thing that would get me out of my comfort zone, was actually going up to someone and talking to them. I’m usually a shy person and I wait for others to come to me. For this project, I committed myself to be the one to go up and start the conversation. For this part of the project, I had the wonderful opportunity to meet, and get to know, a lady from my ward, Glenna Green.

As I was thinking about who I wanted to get to know better, I was called to be an Assistant Cub Scout Leader over the Bears. Glenna was my companion. She was also just called as my Visiting Teacher. Because we work closely together, I have had many opportunities to talk with and to serve her. She has many medical problems, and is unable to drive very far, so I often give her rides. Because she loves to talk, I have gotten to know her really well. Although she is several years older than I am, we have formed a close relationship to where we can call eachother at any time for any reason.

Another activity I did to show love to others was to offer “free hugs” to others. My sister, Amber, and I went to a custom t-shirt shop and had shirts made that said “Free Hugs” on them. When we received the shirts, we went out around town wearing them and holding up signs. In the 4 hours that we did this, we gave away many hugs to people. Some of the people we did this for were very grateful for the hugs. They had been having a bad day, and receiving a hug had made their day better. Amber and I really felt good doing this project. We will do it again someday soon.

Another project I did was to try something new. I had always wanted to play the guitar, so, as part of the Becoming Project, I started teaching myself how to play. I have been watching videos on YouTube and reading instruction books to teach me. Although my playing shows that I’m just starting out, with more practice, I will continue to get better.

As I have come to love myself, and others, and as I have studied the scriptures more in-depth than I ever have before, I have become more like the Savior.

One way I am more like Him is that I am happier than I have been in a long time, if ever. I have noticed, and so have others, that I smile and laugh more. Smiling and laughing feels so good. I really missed them. I’m sure Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love to smile and laugh too. And I’m sure they smile and laugh at the same things that make us smile and laugh. 2 Nephi 2: 25 “Adam fell that men might be; and men are that they might have joy”. Heavenly Father wants us to be happy and joyful. That the reason we are here, so we have all the joy that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ has.

Another way that I am seeing that I am becoming more like Christ is that I am more patient. Normally I would stress out if things weren’t going exactly right. I was also really worried about finding a husband and having kids, and really worried about what to do with my life. As I was doing my scripture studies a few months ago, I found a scripture that really helped me. It’s Habakkuk 2: 3-4 “For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry…the just shall live by his faith.” When I read this, it really hit me. It told me that If I endure to the end, EVERYTHING I have been promised WILL come to pass, even if it seems like they will never come, they will come. Whether in this life or the next, they will come.

Another way I have become more like Christ, is that I am relying on the Holy Ghost more. In most situations, before, I would stress and think that everything was all on me. In school I would stress because I thought that coming up with answers for tests and essays, ect, were all dependent upon ME remembering. I forgot that, if I did all I could do, then I have the help from the Holy Ghost, who would “bring all things to (my) remembrance”. As I have been relying on the Holy Ghost, I am calmer and I am better able to hear His still small voice. Assignments and other things in my life come easier to me now because I’m not relying on myself to get things done.

There are many other areas where I have become more like Christ. Even with all of these, there are still other areas that I will continue to work on. As I continue to improve myself, then I will become even more like Christ. I can’t wait to see what will happen in the future as I continue to work on the Becoming Project.